Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
