yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
