just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
