I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
