I accidentally had phone sex last night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
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