Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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