I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
