Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
