i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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