I wish I only lived at night.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
