We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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