Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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