bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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