turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
