Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
