God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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