My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
