Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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