Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
