if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Less talking, more tequila
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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