Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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