I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
