I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
