wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
