I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
