More tranny stories later!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
