Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
