I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Houston, we have a squirter
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
