god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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