got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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