I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
