beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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