Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
