I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
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