I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
