i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize