omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
