i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
