You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
