I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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