They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
