someone get that fucking seahorse.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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