I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
