Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
