You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
