whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
