we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
