My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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