he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We talked him into tasing himself.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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