i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
