walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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