Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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