This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Come share oat with me in your robe
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
