i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
