Where is the hickey?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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