is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
