I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
