god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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