new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
