Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
soo... how was my night?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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