I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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