why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
