If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
