the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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