Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
