I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
So much Jack, so little girl.
i think im in europe. pls send help
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
