she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
