i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
