I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
