i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
