dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
