All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
