Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
