Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
