I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
