what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
My vagina just clenched in fear
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
