I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
